Pope Benny, Gays in Uganda, Rocket Ships

Pope B-Dog let the alpine play. He was pumping new shit from NWA.

Pope Benny, after suffering monumental embarrassment when one of his homies was caught trying to bang dude hookers with help from a man-child choir boy, has totally shown the world that he, nor his higher-up niggaz in the Vatican, actually give a crap about that stuff Jesus said about being cool to people. Because when push comes to shove and the institution that is the Catholic church walks the line between staying super duperly popular or actually embodying the basic tenants of Christ’s teachings, those motherfuckers would rather save face.

For instance, the Ugandan Parliament is attempting legislation that would toss homosexuals in jail or, if that’s not harsh enough, just kill the homos straight up. (Side Note: There would probably be a huge public outcry against this proposed bill if it were, let’s say, happening in Germany. But there are very few white people in Uganda; turns out Uganda is mostly full of Ugandans, so only wacky left-wing communists and George Clooney will give a fuck.)

Of course, Pope B-Dog didn’t mention the bill while addressing Ugandan Catholics. This is because the Catholic church in Uganda is competing with Christian fundamentalists and Muslims. The fundies and Muslims are, hilariously, not content with just imprisoning or killing gays; presumably, they would rather build a time machine and go back in time to kill the first homo, thus annihilating the ‘gay threat’ at the beginning.

Like this, but with dead fags and Ugandans.

The Catholics, fundies, and Muslims are fighting over believers, sort of like corporations battling for customers, although fuck the “sort of like” big business, because that’s exactly what’s happening here. And Pope B-Dog and the Ugandan bishops, instead of standing up for the principles laid out by Jesus, would rather play it safe and, at least, retain a neutral stance on the Homo Killer bill to placate the fiery hatred of gays held by Ugandan religious retards so said religious retards don’t go Islamic or pentecostal fundie.

This is akin to having two Nazi parties, one which is somewhat ‘progressive’ (in the absolute loosest sense of the term) and would rather just kill Jews as opposed to the super Hitler supporters who want to strap Polish Heebies to a rocket and send them crashing into the sun. (Another Side Note: Yes, we totally just took a cheap shot at Pope B-Dog with the Nazi reference. We’re aware and no, we don’t give a fuck.)

There it is, dear readers. This is what happens when so-called benevolent institutions must choose between sticking to their principles or, like any big business, fretting over their bottom line.

Pope B-Dog on recent criticism: "If they hate then let 'em hate and watch the money pile up."

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