Harry Reid, Black Men, and America = Wacky!!

We should all thank Harry Reid for his bluntly honest comments about why the American whitey elected Obama. Seriously. White America has been patting itself on the back like the smug douchebag it is ever since Obama won the Iowa Caucus. On January 3rd 2008, when Obama won the Caucus, every liberal white pansy in America, along with plenty of those “Hey-that’s-reverse-racism” conservatives, fell into an orgasm of self-satisfaction because we embraced a black leader as our own. Except that we didn’t and Harry Reid hit the nail right on the head in regards to the racial perspectives held by so many white Americans.

It would be very easy to paint Reid as a racist, and hey, maybe he is; I don’t really give a fuck about that. But brushing off his comments as simple knuckleheaded racism and forcing the man to quit his job will simply allow the American whitey to pretend that real racism isn’t a priority problem anymore because, hey guess what everybody, we elected one of those types.

But not "this" type. Too ethnic, I guess.

Americans, the white ones, anyway, don’t like to talk about racism. Oh, they love Martin Luther King. Who doesn’t? He’s admirable because, ya know, he’s black and smart and somebody killed him for suggesting that we all get along, kind of like Jesus (except for the black part!).

"Hey, that's not American Jesus!"

Plus, we have a Martin Luther King holiday, and that’s supposed to remind everybody that the American whitey is totally sorry about the whole deep-seeded institutional racism thing.

Yet the American whitey, even the very liberal whitey, is still a trembling bitch when it comes to the black man, and this is where Harry Reid was exactly right about the racial tastes of mainstream white America. The American whitey loves only a handful of black men.

Morgan Freeman, because he helps white people, especially Tim Robbins and Jack Nicholson, in all of his movies.

Michael Clark Duncan, because he helped Tom Hanks and is a-scared of the dark, boss.

Black Comedians, because they help white people vicariously vent their racism through laughter.

Snuggly black men like Martin Luther King who present no threat to most American whiteys.

See the trend? Of course you don’t, because you’re probably a white devil or, perhaps, an Uncle Tom. (Oh shut up, we’re just fucking with you.) The trend here is that mainstream American whiteys hand-pick the black men they choose to embrace in an effort to totally weed out the ones that scare the bejesus out of white people.

“That’s not true!” you might say. “Because white kids are in love with hip-hop culture!”

And they are, but many of those white kids who pack their Ipods hip-hop music, gangster rap, in particular, are subconsciously doing so for the same reason we watch movies; it’s a form of escapism. White kids can pretend to experience stereotypical black culture without actually stepping foot into Compton and, in a weird way, it’s basically equal to watching The Blair Witch Project. Nobody wants to get killed in the woods, but the movie was cool. We can say the same for 50 Cent’s music because as badass as it sounds, no middle class white boy wants to go traipsing around Bed-Stuy in a bullet proof vest.

You get a pass for being afraid of 50.

So we have hand-picked black snuggly bears and hand-picked black horror movie characters. Reactionary forces can ignore all this while liberal whiteys agree, then, in the same breath, talk about how racism isn’t as much of a problem today as it was thirty years ago. Maybe they’re right. Lynch mobs have definitely taken a back seat. Nobody is forced to sit at the back of the bus, unless they’re extraordinarily fat and can’t fit in the smaller seats up front. But blacks still earn far less than the average middle class white American. Hell, most of the white people I grew up with don’t earn as much as the average middle class white American. Go to North Philly and the same crack dealers that were on the corner prior to Obama’s inauguration are still there, although some of them are still wearing those “Change We Can Believe In” t-shirts.

No, racism isn’t dead, nor is it dying. We’ve traded the old fashioned lynch mob-racism for sneering, politically correct, office-drone racism. Institutional racism in America is so much sleeker than it’s predecessors; racists have realized that you don’t need a firehoses and rabid dogs to keep black men unemployed, all you need is an HR rep. And that kind of racism is harder to target since the HR rep is a college-educated black woman and the whole office just had a 90-minute meeting about the values of a diverse, multicultural workforce.

The American whitey will continue to be afraid of the black man, even if we did elect Obama. Harry Reid was exactly right. He pinpointed a collective racial opinion held by too many of our more moronic citizens, and in return the morons are screaming for his head. Is it because Reid’s a racist? Hell no. He just pointed out the racial ugliness that continues to oppress black Americans. And that, dear friends, makes the American whitey act very, very wacky.

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