Everybody loves celebrities, even us bug-eyed, gun-toting survivalists at Lib Porn. How can you not? They go on television and run around doing cool shit. Although you won’t catch us jacking off to TMZ (unless they repost those naked Vanessa Hudgens pictures) while wondering what kind of coffee that chick in that crappy movie drinks, we enjoy watching prettier people than ourselves getting into wacky situations, shootouts, or wacky situations that end in shootouts. But when celebrities have to tell us how to vote and what to believe in, well, they get fucking annoying.
Remember the retarded kid from Gilbert Grape? Well he recently posted a blog on The Huffington Post in which he explains how Ghost Dog, that broad from The Day After Tomorrow, and the Incredible Hulk are taking part in a campaign to get citizens to email their senators about climate change legislation. Oh, Cornel West is in there too, although Mr. West happens to be an academic who knows what he’s talking about, so nobody’s going to pay attention to him.
Pictured: Someone who shouldn't be influencing your views. Also, too stupid to get out of the bathtub.
It would be awesome if more citizens took an active role in what their elected leaders vote on. Such action would be a display of real democracy and, honestly, we at Lib Porn are super tired of Tea Party types proclaiming that climate change is a hoax and melting ice caps are a direct result of underwater communists (and homosexuals) using super water proof blow-dryers. Those people (the Tea Party idiots, not the underwater homo commies) are influenced by pundits, like Hannity, who go on television in front of millions of viewers to say “Science is bullshit” when they lack the necessary knowledge and education to make such a judgment. So, you might ask, what’s the problem with Gilbert Grape’s retarded little brother saying, “Climate change is real?” Fuck man, the chick from The Day After Tomorrow was in that ad, and if anyone knows about the dangers of global warming, it’s her. Because, ya know, she was there when the fucking blizzard blew up America.
Pictured: Climate Change...
...and the man who kicked it's fucking ass.
The problem is the retarded Grape brother and the chick who got her leg cut by an underwater taxicab (not to mention Ghost Dog and the Hulk) aren’t qualified to speak on the subject either. Normally that isn’t a problem. I, for example, complain about everything imaginable on Lib Porn and the only education I have is a three-semester stint at a community college (oh, Liberal Arts degree, how you’ve alluded me). My uncle usually gets drunk on Saturday and tells me how the Jews are running everything…and thank Yahweh that they are, or else movies would reach incomprehensible levels of suckiness which, surprisingly, they haven’t reached already. Now crazy Uncle Witley isn’t qualified to tell anyone about who’s running the world, especially when it comes to Jews, because Uncle Witley still thinks Al Pacino is one of the chosen people.
"I try to get out, but they pull me back...er, I mean, mazel tov.'"
Then again, my crazy Uncle Witley’s opinions don’t reach millions of people…and even if they did, viewers would know that you shouldn’t listen to crazy jackasses who don’t have a clue as to what logical, critical thinking actually is.
Then again...
Being on television doesn’t mean that you know what you’re talking about. Hell, celebrities don’t know anything aside from what information is fed to them; when they actually spout their own opinions, they’re usually cringe-worthy. And this doesn’t apply only to traditional celebrities. Your favorite news pundit is, more than likely, just a celebrity. Pundits don’t report objective findings. They’re views are entirely subjective. They aren’t journalists, they aren’t scholars, they’re barely half-baked crackpot conspiracy theorists who read a lot of Internet 9/11 Truth websites. Olbermann, Hannity, Matthews, and Beck are ugly male versions of Paris Hilton; they’re popular just because they go on television and do retarded shit, usually slightly more retarded than Gilbert Grape’s brother (except when he didn’t get out of the bathtub after Gilbert pimp-smacked him).
Celebrities on soapboxes for leftist issues serve only to fuel the right wing backlash. Nobody gets their news from smart people anymore. Liberals like to watch liberal celebrities make smug jokes about Kansas on Bill Maher’s show, conservatives like to watch conservative celebrities make thinly-veiled proclamations of secession and treason on Fox News, and everyone sits back on their couch in a self-satisfied stupor and goes either to a Tea Party rally or a PETA protest. Meanwhile, our totally super awesome country gets really fucking dumb.
If you’re a conservative who wants to get informed by intelligent conservatives, go here: Cato Institute.
If you’re a liberal who wants to get informed by intelligent liberals, read this: Democracy Matters by Cornel West.
And if you think Al Pacino is a Jew, you should talk to this guy:
Uncle Witley
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